Last month we discussed how the only way to function as a purpose-oriented rather than process-oriented owner is to willingly embrace the role of pet-advocate. Although purpose-oriented pet owners seek input from experts when problems arise with their pets, they also acknowledge that the final choice and the responsibility for implementing it lie with them and them alone. Unfortunately, however, we live in an age of experts who may communicate that they, not us, are the only thing standing between our pets and certain physical or behavioral disaster. Such views, while well-meaning, may erode owner confidence to the point some find themselves agreeing to processes they know aren’t heading them or their pets in any direction they want to go.
But how can we become effective advocates for our pets? Many times throughout these commentaries I’ve noted that the ideal companion human-animal relationship mimics that between a mature parent of the pets’ species and offspring. Animal parents initiate interactions rather than react to their offspring, and good advocates for their pets initiate rather than react, too. This means those people calmly solicit information about the proposed treatment and calmly say, “No, I don’t want to (or can’t) do that” if someone suggests a process they know does not meet their own and/or their animal’s needs. Consequently, approach any interaction with an animal-care professional with the goal of answering the following questions:
- What is the purpose of the treatment?
- Does this treatment take into account my pet’s limits?
- Does this treatment take into account my limits?
For example, will the proposed treatment cure the problem or merely control it? Is the treatment viable given Fluffy’s aversion to being handled? Will you just need to pop a swell-tasting pill into Fuzzy’s mouth twice a day for 2 weeks or will you need to do more?
Unfortunately, sometimes people don’t gain this critical information because they’re intimidated by the expert and/or lack communication skills. However, there are three techniques you can use to help you surmount this barrier:
One: Take a friend with you to any appointments.
Not only can such people act as a second pair of ears and remind you of things you might forget, their presence also can give you confidence. Mention that you’ll be bringing another person when you make your appointment. If the animal-care expert objects, ask why. If you don’t find the reason acceptable, find another expert. If you do or if you believe working with this person is worth this restriction, then consider one or both of the following techniques to ensure a positive outcome for yourself and your pet.
Two: Use visualization before your appointment.
As soon as you make the appointment for yourself and your pet, set aside time every day to imagine yourself interacting with the veterinarian, trainer, or other animal-care professional in a meaningful way. See yourself clearly and calmly asking that person about the goal of the treatment and what, exactly, this means in terms of any limits you and/or your pet may have. For example, imagine the expert telling you to take your dog for a minimum 2-mile hike every day. Do you have the time and physical wherewithal to do that? Can your dog do this, given any physical or behavioral limitations he may have?
As when using visualization related to other fears, people who use the technique to resolve fears associated with communication often take one of two approaches. One group takes an optimistic approach and repeatedly visualizes themselves and the expert having a meaning exchange under the very best of circumstances. The second group takes a more pessimistic approach that involves visualizing getting the necessary information from the expert under the worst circumstances. They do this because their biggest fear is that the expert will turn out to have the communications skills of a rabid slug and they’ll accept whatever process that person proposes rather than get the information they need to make an informed decision. By visualizing those worst-case scenarios and seeing themselves calmly remaining focused on the goal of getting that information, they build their confidence. By the time they meet with the expert, they’re prepared for the worst as well as the best.
Three: Delay committing to any program if you’re not sure it meets your and your pet’s needs.
The majority of medical and behavioral problems that befall our pets did not happen overnight and delaying treatment for a few hours won’t make any difference. Even in the case of a critically ill or injured animal, veterinarians often want to stabilize the animal rather than immediately jump into any heroics. At the same time, though, there are those impatient folks (both owners and experts) who want to do somethingimmediately, often with the mistaken idea that they’re being pro-active. Professionals want the owner to commit quickly so they can get on with treatment as soon as possible; owners want to commit so they can resolve the animal’s problem as soon as possible. However, if the proposed process doesn’t fulfill the owner’s and/or animal’s needs, that quick response may prolong the animal’s problem rather than resolve it. So take your time and do it right.
Whether we actively embrace the role of advocate for our pets or not, the fact remains that we are responsible for them. If we allow ourselves to be bullied into a process or cede all responsibility for our pets’ health and behavior to another and that choice ultimately undermines the animal’s well-being, we have no one to blame but ourselves. As I know from interviews with countless owners, no matter how difficult it may be to assume the role of purpose-oriented owner and advocate, that’s nothing compared to how rotten we feel when we renege on this responsibility and our animals needlessly suffer because of this.
If you have any comments regarding subject matter, favorite links, or anything you’d like to see discussed on or added to this site, please let me know at mm@mmilani.com.
Last month we discussed how the only way to function as a purpose-oriented rather than process-oriented owner is to willingly embrace the role of pet-advocate. Although purpose-oriented pet owners seek input from experts when problems arise with their pets, they also acknowledge that the final choice and the responsibility for implementing it lie with them and them alone. Unfortunately, however, we live in an age of experts who may communicate that they, not us, are the only thing standing between our pets and certain physical or behavioral disaster. Such views, while well-meaning, may erode owner confidence to the point some find themselves agreeing to processes they know aren’t heading them or their pets in any direction they want to go.
But how can we become effective advocates for our pets? Many times throughout these commentaries I’ve noted that the ideal companion human-animal relationship mimics that between a mature parent of the pets’ species and offspring. Animal parents initiate interactions rather than react to their offspring, and good advocates for their pets initiate rather than react, too. This means those people calmly solicit information about the proposed treatment and calmly say, “No, I don’t want to (or can’t) do that” if someone suggests a process they know does not meet their own and/or their animal’s needs. Consequently, approach any interaction with an animal-care professional with the goal of answering the following questions:
For example, will the proposed treatment cure the problem or merely control it? Is the treatment viable given Fluffy’s aversion to being handled? Will you just need to pop a swell-tasting pill into Fuzzy’s mouth twice a day for 2 weeks or will you need to do more?
Unfortunately, sometimes people don’t gain this critical information because they’re intimidated by the expert and/or lack communication skills. However, there are three techniques you can use to help you surmount this barrier:
One: Take a friend with you to any appointments.
Not only can such people act as a second pair of ears and remind you of things you might forget, their presence also can give you confidence. Mention that you’ll be bringing another person when you make your appointment. If the animal-care expert objects, ask why. If you don’t find the reason acceptable, find another expert. If you do or if you believe working with this person is worth this restriction, then consider one or both of the following techniques to ensure a positive outcome for yourself and your pet.
Two: Use visualization before your appointment.
As soon as you make the appointment for yourself and your pet, set aside time every day to imagine yourself interacting with the veterinarian, trainer, or other animal-care professional in a meaningful way. See yourself clearly and calmly asking that person about the goal of the treatment and what, exactly, this means in terms of any limits you and/or your pet may have. For example, imagine the expert telling you to take your dog for a minimum 2-mile hike every day. Do you have the time and physical wherewithal to do that? Can your dog do this, given any physical or behavioral limitations he may have?
As when using visualization related to other fears, people who use the technique to resolve fears associated with communication often take one of two approaches. One group takes an optimistic approach and repeatedly visualizes themselves and the expert having a meaning exchange under the very best of circumstances. The second group takes a more pessimistic approach that involves visualizing getting the necessary information from the expert under the worst circumstances. They do this because their biggest fear is that the expert will turn out to have the communications skills of a rabid slug and they’ll accept whatever process that person proposes rather than get the information they need to make an informed decision. By visualizing those worst-case scenarios and seeing themselves calmly remaining focused on the goal of getting that information, they build their confidence. By the time they meet with the expert, they’re prepared for the worst as well as the best.
Three: Delay committing to any program if you’re not sure it meets your and your pet’s needs.
The majority of medical and behavioral problems that befall our pets did not happen overnight and delaying treatment for a few hours won’t make any difference. Even in the case of a critically ill or injured animal, veterinarians often want to stabilize the animal rather than immediately jump into any heroics. At the same time, though, there are those impatient folks (both owners and experts) who want to do somethingimmediately, often with the mistaken idea that they’re being pro-active. Professionals want the owner to commit quickly so they can get on with treatment as soon as possible; owners want to commit so they can resolve the animal’s problem as soon as possible. However, if the proposed process doesn’t fulfill the owner’s and/or animal’s needs, that quick response may prolong the animal’s problem rather than resolve it. So take your time and do it right.
Whether we actively embrace the role of advocate for our pets or not, the fact remains that we are responsible for them. If we allow ourselves to be bullied into a process or cede all responsibility for our pets’ health and behavior to another and that choice ultimately undermines the animal’s well-being, we have no one to blame but ourselves. As I know from interviews with countless owners, no matter how difficult it may be to assume the role of purpose-oriented owner and advocate, that’s nothing compared to how rotten we feel when we renege on this responsibility and our animals needlessly suffer because of this.
If you have any comments regarding subject matter, favorite links, or anything you’d like to see discussed on or added to this site, please let me know at mm@mmilani.com.