Two months ago, I wrote about serving as advocates for our pets which some of those who view their pets as members of the family might take as a discussion of the obvious. However, in spite of the fact that multiple surveys do conclude that 80% of us relate to our pets as members of the family and specifically as one of the kids, this isn’t necessarily a boon to the pet animal population. It probably would be if all pet owners could claim good parenting skills. However, as the popularity of television shows like “Nanny 911” and “Supernanny” reveal, the reality may be that not all of us know how to be good parents to human kids, let alone those of a different species. Let’s consider a few examples.
It turns out that, just as American kids are packing on the pounds, so are American pets. One study that followed kids from birth to 9.5 years concluded that a contributing factor was the tendency of parents to use food as a reward when difficult children behaved well. By doing so, these parents created an unnatural connection in the child’s mind between food and comfort which could later lead the child to eat to relieve stress. Further complicating life for our pets, stress leads to increased levels of cortisol, a steroid that may increase appetite. When that occurs, the pet who also associates food with a positive emotional state may have even more incentive to counter surf, get into the trash, or cruise the dinner table when upset.
Pause here a moment and think about the role food plays in your relationship with your pet: What treats do you use and how? What emotional charge(s) do they carry? Could this association lead to overeating if your pet becomes stressed?
Whether parents whose kids run amuck turn to reality television or parenting books, the advice tends to be pretty much the same. All make it clear that the child’s behavior is the parents’ responsibility, as are any changes needed to improve it. All emphasize the importance of setting limits and consistently enforcing them, and all suggest methods to address negative behaviors such as biting, attention-seeking, or talking back.
Here again, we can see the parallels between parent-child and owner-companion animal situations. Some owners of ill-behaved pets would like nothing better than to shift the responsibility for their animals’ problems and their resolution to someone or something else, such as a miracle trainer, drug, or training device. All got into trouble because they usually didn’t even consider setting any limits until after their pets crossed them. Others who did establish limits only enforced them when they had time or remembered. As we all know, an inconsistent response will make a problem worse than no response at all, so that didn’t help the animal’s behavior or stress level, either. Animals who are aggressive or mouth off in one way or another are legion and could easily line up next to kids with similar problems.
In addition to falling prey to parents who lack the skills to parent their own human kids, companion animals also may fall prey to those childless folks whose idea of treating the pet like one of the kids results from a desire to create a relationship that corrects any defects they believe existed in theirs with their own parents. For example, Shelly’s belief that her own parents were disinterested in her leads her to lavish huge amounts of attention on her pets. She constantly fusses over what and how they eat; she panics if they wander more than a few feet away from her; if one so much as sneezes, she immediately whisks him or her off to the veterinary clinic. Given her overbearing attitude, it’s no wonder her animals are nervous wrecks. Others who found or find their parents’ or other humans’ behavior too authoritarian may counter this by allowing their own pets to do whatever they want, in spite of the fact that this may put the animals in harm’s way or cause other humans and animals to shy away from them because of their lack of self-control. Then we have those who live in a fantasy world where all parenting challenges may be resolved “positively.”
Particularly in this age in which complex human environments are the rule rather than the exception, parenting animals is hard work that demands commitment as well as knowledge. Obviously if enough of us believe that we didn’t come hard-wired with the necessary knowledge to parent children to generate television shows and books on the subject, it’s unrealistic to assume we automatically possess that knowledge relative to dogs, cats, or any other animal species. Consequently, before you claim that your pet ranks as one of the kids, ask yourself how parents of your pet’s species interact with their young. If you don’t know, find out. By doing so, not only will you avoid giving your pet mixed signals, you’ll function like a real animal parent instead of a make-believe one.
If you have any comments regarding subject matter, favorite links, or anything you’d like to see discussed on or added to this site, please let me know at mm@mmilani.com.
Two months ago, I wrote about serving as advocates for our pets which some of those who view their pets as members of the family might take as a discussion of the obvious. However, in spite of the fact that multiple surveys do conclude that 80% of us relate to our pets as members of the family and specifically as one of the kids, this isn’t necessarily a boon to the pet animal population. It probably would be if all pet owners could claim good parenting skills. However, as the popularity of television shows like “Nanny 911” and “Supernanny” reveal, the reality may be that not all of us know how to be good parents to human kids, let alone those of a different species. Let’s consider a few examples.
It turns out that, just as American kids are packing on the pounds, so are American pets. One study that followed kids from birth to 9.5 years concluded that a contributing factor was the tendency of parents to use food as a reward when difficult children behaved well. By doing so, these parents created an unnatural connection in the child’s mind between food and comfort which could later lead the child to eat to relieve stress. Further complicating life for our pets, stress leads to increased levels of cortisol, a steroid that may increase appetite. When that occurs, the pet who also associates food with a positive emotional state may have even more incentive to counter surf, get into the trash, or cruise the dinner table when upset.
Pause here a moment and think about the role food plays in your relationship with your pet: What treats do you use and how? What emotional charge(s) do they carry? Could this association lead to overeating if your pet becomes stressed?
Whether parents whose kids run amuck turn to reality television or parenting books, the advice tends to be pretty much the same. All make it clear that the child’s behavior is the parents’ responsibility, as are any changes needed to improve it. All emphasize the importance of setting limits and consistently enforcing them, and all suggest methods to address negative behaviors such as biting, attention-seeking, or talking back.
Here again, we can see the parallels between parent-child and owner-companion animal situations. Some owners of ill-behaved pets would like nothing better than to shift the responsibility for their animals’ problems and their resolution to someone or something else, such as a miracle trainer, drug, or training device. All got into trouble because they usually didn’t even consider setting any limits until after their pets crossed them. Others who did establish limits only enforced them when they had time or remembered. As we all know, an inconsistent response will make a problem worse than no response at all, so that didn’t help the animal’s behavior or stress level, either. Animals who are aggressive or mouth off in one way or another are legion and could easily line up next to kids with similar problems.
In addition to falling prey to parents who lack the skills to parent their own human kids, companion animals also may fall prey to those childless folks whose idea of treating the pet like one of the kids results from a desire to create a relationship that corrects any defects they believe existed in theirs with their own parents. For example, Shelly’s belief that her own parents were disinterested in her leads her to lavish huge amounts of attention on her pets. She constantly fusses over what and how they eat; she panics if they wander more than a few feet away from her; if one so much as sneezes, she immediately whisks him or her off to the veterinary clinic. Given her overbearing attitude, it’s no wonder her animals are nervous wrecks. Others who found or find their parents’ or other humans’ behavior too authoritarian may counter this by allowing their own pets to do whatever they want, in spite of the fact that this may put the animals in harm’s way or cause other humans and animals to shy away from them because of their lack of self-control. Then we have those who live in a fantasy world where all parenting challenges may be resolved “positively.”
Particularly in this age in which complex human environments are the rule rather than the exception, parenting animals is hard work that demands commitment as well as knowledge. Obviously if enough of us believe that we didn’t come hard-wired with the necessary knowledge to parent children to generate television shows and books on the subject, it’s unrealistic to assume we automatically possess that knowledge relative to dogs, cats, or any other animal species. Consequently, before you claim that your pet ranks as one of the kids, ask yourself how parents of your pet’s species interact with their young. If you don’t know, find out. By doing so, not only will you avoid giving your pet mixed signals, you’ll function like a real animal parent instead of a make-believe one.
If you have any comments regarding subject matter, favorite links, or anything you’d like to see discussed on or added to this site, please let me know at mm@mmilani.com.