Here’s a picture of Frica’s response to my mentioning how easy it would be to perceive any problem she has or may have as the result of her traumatic beginning:
Obviously as she sleeps on her pouffy pillow in her antique drawer surrounded by her toys, she’s unimpressed by my comments. But the fact remains that, alas, I’m only human. If I wanted to give such perceptions of what she experienced (or even just imagined she experienced) prior to my getting her a negative spin, I could have done that. And had I chosen to do that, those flaming memories may have caused our relationship to crash and burn like others so influenced.
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Thank you Dr. Myrna for sharing such important insights in your refreshing style. It made me stop and think – which you are good at enabling me to do. It reminded me of a conversation I had at a party last winter at my brother’s house relaying a story about an incident that happened with me and my sister as children. I told the story to a friend and for some interesting reason, my sister came up and asked what we were talking about and when I mentioned “when you dislocated your shoulder”, her story and mine did not match at all! Her perception and memory were very different than mine. Makes me wonder how much of our memories really happened at all.
Thank you for making it all relevant to our pets!
Such a good point!
In addition, I think that people have a hard time understanding that problem behaviors do not a “bad dog” make. When their dogs have problems, they can’t stand to think of anyone considering them a “bad dog,” so they excuse the behavior by blaming it on the dog’s past. So I think for some, it’s preferable to think of their dog as a “victim” rather than as a “bad dog.” Of course, neither label is necessary if you focus on the real problem…it’s just behavior.
Whatever the reason, focusing on the past, whether real or imagined, can certainly get in the way of moving on to healthy functioning.
Thanks for presenting it in such a thoughtful way.
Great responses and I appreciate your insights very much. It also makes me appreciate yet again how important getting that history is when dealing with animals because what’s real to me may not be what’s real to the animal or the people in that animal’s life.